From Sexist to Feminist: If I could do it, anyone can too

 This piece is inspired by a conversation between Soli and Tsion, two political women in Ethiopia, on Ajrit podcast. Ajrit podcast is run by Addis Powerhouse, a feminist online advocacy platform. In this episode, Soli refers to an article she and Mahi wrote on Zone 9 blog and received a response from myself and Endalk, along with others. Soli stressed how ridiculous we were in our response and was forced to revisit it. I still didn't recover from the embarrassment of learning that I used to think like that. 

The article they wrote was titled “The Challenge of Being a Young Woman” (in AM) while our response was titled “The Challenge of Being a Young Man”. In a single comment Mahi wrote to us, she accurately described our response with an Amharic proverb, ‘a baby whose mother went to shopping and another one whose mother died, cry the same’. We were simply complaining about the challenges of being privileged. Today, I cannot relate with that response I have written and find it even difficult to comprehend that I used to think like that. It is barely a decade over since we exchanged those pieces of commentaries but the change was big and it is mostly a change in world view beyond changes of views on specific issues. This have me wonder how I have changed and wanted to share the story. 

“Sexism is Our Native Language”

In 2019, Helina Berhanu wrote a very interesting article in response to why some women may stand against feminism on Addis Maleda newspaper. Her argument cornered the fact that we all are the result of the patriarchal system; women were not raised in an isolated system. They, too, at first think with the mode of thinking designed by the patriarchy. In conclusion, she called patriarchy the mother tongue of all of us. 

This kind of ideas triggered me to think and change. These arguments helped me understand myself well. I'm a product of the patriarchal system myself and it was difficult to see the world in a different way until I learned more about gender inequality, in particular, and power imbalance, in general.  Feminism takes the biggest award for this. 

In 2016, I have written a short note on Facebook with the title “Sexism is in Me”. The piece was an acknowledgment of the fact that I started my journey as a sexist person as society made me so and stated my willingness to unlearn it. Later, I wrote a lengthy piece with the title “Internalized Sexism” after knowing how it is hard to fight sexism as it is embedded in our cultures, religious views, literature, politics, and so on. Sexism is the foundation of conception and execution of the patriarchal system. Through this journey, I learned more about feminism and how the struggle needs continuous learning and lifelong commitment; little did I know that it would change me to the extent I don’t recognize my own past self. 

“Radical” Feminism

During my active blogging times, a lady on Facebook asked me to “say something and silence the radical feminists” during the 16 days of activism. I don't blame her as she also had patriarchy as her mother tongue. The title of the piece I wrote after receiving her request was “The ABCs of Feminism” [in AM]. In that piece, I argued that the only radical thing that existed is a radical patriarchy. I was right. What is presumed to be radical feminism is the exact opposite of patriarchy; i.e. matriarchy - a system where the social, political, and economic space is dominated by women. And, it has too little chance to happen. No feminist alive today would believe this could happen in her lifetime. Therefore, the claim about “radical” feminism is a deflection of the struggle from the real threat (patriarchy) to the non-existing one (matriarchy). 

Looking back, it feels strange and unconvincing for myself to believe that I was that much sexist; I hope the learning continues and there comes a time when I would be writing another piece evaluating my current self. However, the purpose of this piece is not just praising the change I brought up on myself, but also to inspire you to change. 

I Changed, Because I Surrounded Myself with the Right People

My closest friends are feminists and they shaped me in a way I needed to. The ladies of the Yellow Movement, Setaweet, and their social media campaigns were my gate way to get to know and understand inequality and imbalance, privileges and establishment, etc. Later, in my political activism, I tend to trust and value the feminist activists more than the others because they truly start from the point of understanding power imbalance; they know what it feels to be under the recipient side of oppression. Therefore, they most likely fight for the right cause; they let me fight for the right cause too. 

Now, I don’t trust a politician who speaks about ethnic based oppression but keeps quite about gender based oppression; if one really understands oppression, cannot really miss the elephant in the room of our society. Women are oppressed more than any section of societies all around our world, and patriarchy is to blame.   

The lesson is that, if you surround yourself with people who are critical enough of values that are dangerous for societies’ progress, you would become progressive. But, the opposite effect is equally prevalent. If you surround yourself with misogynist people, your fate would be becoming the guardian of backward tradition. 

Viva to the people who changed us to the better.